Connection Is the Medicine: A Trail Tool for Coming Home to Others (and Yourself)

We’re wired for connection.

To be mirrored. Held. Understood. To sit beside someone and feel, “I don’t have to explain myself—I’m already known.”

But if you’ve been hurt in a relationship, through betrayal, neglect, abandonment, or simply being chronically unseen, connection can feel dangerous. Too much. Too close. Too exposing.

So you become self-reliant. You hide the hard parts. You show the polished self. You say, “I’m fine,” when what you really mean is, “Please don’t leave.”

And while that might have kept you safe once, it can also keep you lonely now.

The Nervous System Needs Others

In polyvagal theory, we talk about co-regulation—the way our nervous systems sync with safe others. It’s not about fixing. It’s about presence. A steady gaze. A gentle tone. A non-judgmental vibe that says: “You’re safe here.”

When you’ve lacked this, or been misattuned to, your body might brace even when nothing’s wrong. It might mistrust closeness. It might crave connection, but freeze when it arrives.

That’s not you being dramatic. That’s you being wired for protection.

The Wilderness of Relationship

In the wild, herds huddle for safety. Flocks move as one. Wolves raise each other’s pups.

We forget this in our hyper-independent culture. We call people “needy” for wanting to be held. We call ourselves weak for missing someone too much. We pride ourselves on “not needing anyone.”

But the truth is: you were never meant to go it alone. Your nervous system longs for safe others. Not perfect people. Just present ones.

Trail Tool: The Connection Inventory

Use this reflection to gently explore your relational landscape—not from judgment, but from curiosity.

Ask yourself:

1. Who in my life makes me feel steady, not stressed?

2. When was the last time I felt seen, not just understood, but met?

3. Where am I giving more than I’m receiving?

4. What kind of connection do I most long for—and am I allowing myself to ask for it?

You don’t have to act on any of this right away. Just start noticing. Naming. That’s how the return begins.

You’re Allowed to Be Held

Connection heals what isolation intensifies.

It helps regulate your nervous system. It lets you borrow someone else’s steadiness when you’ve lost your own. It reminds you: you matter, even in your mess.

This pillar is about letting someone in—even if it’s just a little. Even if it’s just your therapist, your dog, or one friend who knows how to stay.

Healing happens in relationship. That’s not weakness. It’s biology.

If you’re craving connection but afraid of being seen, therapy can offer a bridge. Not pressure. Not intrusion. Just a steady presence to walk beside you.

Reach out here if you’d like to begin.

With warmth and wildness, Sarah x

BACP & NCPS Accredited Psychotherapist

Rewild your mind. Come home to yourself.