AKA, Stuff That’s Helped Me (And Might Help You Too)
NOT EVERYTHING THAT HELPS COMES FROM THERAPY.
Here’s a curated stash of tools, reads, and ideas that I’ve found helpful – for myself, and for the people I work with. Take what serves you, leave what doesn’t.
(FYI, these aren’t substitutes for therapy, but they can be brilliant companions to it.)
BOOKS THAT DON’T PREACH
Real, relatable reads that don’t talk down to you...
Books have always been part of how I make sense of the world and how I hold space for others. The titles below speak to the themes that come up most often in the therapy room: trauma, recovery, emotional maturity, boundaries, creativity, addiction, neurodivergence, and reconnecting with the self. These aren’t “self-help” in the cliché sense. They’re more like soul guides, reminders that you’re not broken, you’re becoming.
Vulnerability, Courage & Self-Worth
Brené Brown | Elizabeth Gilbert | Emma Reed Turrell | Helen Paris
These books explore the raw truth of being human, how shame, perfectionism, and people-pleasing keep us small, and how vulnerability opens the door to real change. Much of my work invites clients to lay down the armour they’ve worn for years. Whether you’ve spent a lifetime hiding behind competence or caring for others at your own expense, these reads offer language and permission to be seen.
Recommended:
Daring Greatly
Rising Strong
Braving the Wilderness
I Thought It Was Just Me
Atlas of the Heart
Dare to Lead
Big Magic
Please Yourself
The Invisible Women’s Club
Boundaries & Emotional Maturity
Nedra Glover Tawwab | Lindsay Gibson | Anne Katherine | Alice Miller | John Friel
So many clients I work with come from emotionally enmeshed or neglectful childhoods. They were taught to prioritise others, manage everyone else’s emotions, and keep the peace. These books speak directly to the journey of learning where you end and others begin. They are a compassionate call back to self, helping you to say no, honour your needs, and heal the parts of you that learned love had to be earned.
Recommended:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Drama Free
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Self-Care for Adult Children…
Drama of the Gifted Child
An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s Normal
Addiction, Recovery & Codependency
Gabor Maté | Glennon Doyle | Catherine Gray | Melody Beattie | Patrick Ruddy | Abraham Twerski | Craig Nakken
Recovery is at the heart of my work, not just from substances, but from patterns that once kept you safe and now keep you stuck. Whether you’re navigating addiction, codependency, emotional numbing, or compulsive habits, these books bring understanding and insight. They honour that addiction isn’t a moral failing, it’s a survival strategy. Recovery, then, becomes a return to self.
Recommended:
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
Dopamine Nation
Never Enough
The Addictive Personality
Addictive Thinking
Understanding the Twelve Steps
Codependent No More
Beyond Codependency
99% Sober
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
Sunshine Warm Sober
The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary
We Can Do Hard Things
Love Warrior
Carry On, Warrior
Untamed
OPEN
Trauma, Healing & the Nervous System
Bessel van der Kolk | Gabor Maté | Deb Dana | Nicole LePera | Tara Brach | Martha Beck | Sarah Wilson | Katherine May | John Eaton
Trauma isn’t just what happened to you—it’s what happened inside you as a result. This group of books explores that truth through both science and soul. If you’ve ever felt chronically exhausted, disconnected from your body, or stuck in patterns you can’t think your way out of, these authors offer an embodied roadmap back to regulation, safety, and presence. These are the foundations of much of my therapeutic work.
Recommended:
The Body Keeps the Score
The Myth of Normal
Scattered Minds
When the Body Says No
Anchored
Radical Compassion
How To Do The Work
First, We Make the Beast Beautiful
Reverse Therapy
Beyond Anxiety
This One Wild and Precious Life
Wintering
Enchantment
Attachment, Relationships & Connection
Amir Levine | Sue Johnson | Terrence Real | Martha Beck | Rebecca Campbell | Toko-pa Turner
So many of our relational struggles come from patterns that began in childhood. These books offer frameworks and insight into attachment styles, emotional intimacy, and the longing to belong. In my practice, we often explore how early relationships shaped your way of connecting and how that might be showing up in current relationships. These reads can help you soften old defences and create new relational possibilities.
Recommended:
Attached
Hold Me Tight
Us
The Way of Integrity
Rise Sister Rise
Belonging
Parts Work & Inner Systems
Richard Schwartz
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a core influence in how I work with clients, especially those who feel fractured, overwhelmed, or like they’re battling parts of themselves. These books explore the power of befriending our inner system, understanding exiles, protectors, and our core Self. It’s gentle, transformative work. You don’t need to be fixed, you need to be welcomed home.
Recommended:
No Bad Parts
You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For
Introduction to Internal Family Systems
Mindfulness, Change & Emotional Agility
Susan David | Haemin Sunim | James Kustow
For those navigating stress, overwhelm, or life transitions, these books offer calm, clarity, and practical insight. They’re perfect for clients learning how to slow down, respond instead of react, or understand their emotions without becoming them. They sit at the heart of how I support people in reconnecting to themselves, especially those living with ADHD or navigating life with a fast brain and a sensitive body.
Recommended:
Emotional Agility
The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
How to Thrive with Adult ADHD
BOOKS THAT DON’T PREACH
Real, relatable reads that don’t talk down to you...
BOOKS THAT DON’T PREACH
Real, relatable reads that don’t talk down to you...
Books have always been part of how I make sense of the world and how I hold space for others. The titles below speak to the themes that come up most often in the therapy room: trauma, recovery, emotional maturity, boundaries, creativity, addiction, neurodivergence, and reconnecting with the self. These aren’t “self-help” in the cliché sense. They’re more like soul guides, reminders that you’re not broken, you’re becoming.
Vulnerability, Courage & Self-Worth
Brené Brown | Elizabeth Gilbert | Emma Reed Turrell | Helen Paris
These books explore the raw truth of being human, how shame, perfectionism, and people-pleasing keep us small, and how vulnerability opens the door to real change. Much of my work invites clients to lay down the armour they’ve worn for years. Whether you’ve spent a lifetime hiding behind competence or caring for others at your own expense, these reads offer language and permission to be seen.
Recommended:
Daring Greatly
Rising Strong
Braving the Wilderness
I Thought It Was Just Me
Atlas of the Heart
Dare to Lead
Big Magic
Please Yourself
The Invisible Women’s Club
Boundaries & Emotional Maturity
Nedra Glover Tawwab | Lindsay Gibson | Anne Katherine | Alice Miller | John Friel
So many clients I work with come from emotionally enmeshed or neglectful childhoods. They were taught to prioritise others, manage everyone else’s emotions, and keep the peace. These books speak directly to the journey of learning where you end and others begin. They are a compassionate call back to self, helping you to say no, honour your needs, and heal the parts of you that learned love had to be earned.
Recommended:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Drama Free
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Self-Care for Adult Children…
Drama of the Gifted Child
An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s Normal
Addiction, Recovery & Codependency
Gabor Maté | Glennon Doyle | Catherine Gray | Melody Beattie | Patrick Ruddy | Abraham Twerski | Craig Nakken
Recovery is at the heart of my work, not just from substances, but from patterns that once kept you safe and now keep you stuck. Whether you’re navigating addiction, codependency, emotional numbing, or compulsive habits, these books bring understanding and insight. They honour that addiction isn’t a moral failing, it’s a survival strategy. Recovery, then, becomes a return to self.
Recommended:
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
Dopamine Nation
Never Enough
The Addictive Personality
Addictive Thinking
Understanding the Twelve Steps
Codependent No More
Beyond Codependency
99% Sober
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
Sunshine Warm Sober
The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary
We Can Do Hard Things
Love Warrior
Carry On, Warrior
Untamed
OPEN
Trauma, Healing & the Nervous System
Bessel van der Kolk | Gabor Maté | Deb Dana | Nicole LePera | Tara Brach | Martha Beck | Sarah Wilson | Katherine May | John Eaton
Trauma isn’t just what happened to you—it’s what happened inside you as a result. This group of books explores that truth through both science and soul. If you’ve ever felt chronically exhausted, disconnected from your body, or stuck in patterns you can’t think your way out of, these authors offer an embodied roadmap back to regulation, safety, and presence. These are the foundations of much of my therapeutic work.
Recommended:
The Body Keeps the Score
The Myth of Normal
Scattered Minds
When the Body Says No
Anchored
Radical Compassion
How To Do The Work
First, We Make the Beast Beautiful
Reverse Therapy
Beyond Anxiety
This One Wild and Precious Life
Wintering
Enchantment
Attachment, Relationships & Connection
Amir Levine | Sue Johnson | Terrence Real | Martha Beck | Rebecca Campbell | Toko-pa Turner
So many of our relational struggles come from patterns that began in childhood. These books offer frameworks and insight into attachment styles, emotional intimacy, and the longing to belong. In my practice, we often explore how early relationships shaped your way of connecting and how that might be showing up in current relationships. These reads can help you soften old defences and create new relational possibilities.
Recommended:
Attached
Hold Me Tight
Us
The Way of Integrity
Rise Sister Rise
Belonging
Parts Work & Inner Systems
Richard Schwartz
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a core influence in how I work with clients, especially those who feel fractured, overwhelmed, or like they’re battling parts of themselves. These books explore the power of befriending our inner system, understanding exiles, protectors, and our core Self. It’s gentle, transformative work. You don’t need to be fixed, you need to be welcomed home.
Recommended:
No Bad Parts
You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For
Introduction to Internal Family Systems
Mindfulness, Change & Emotional Agility
Susan David | Haemin Sunim | James Kustow
For those navigating stress, overwhelm, or life transitions, these books offer calm, clarity, and practical insight. They’re perfect for clients learning how to slow down, respond instead of react, or understand their emotions without becoming them. They sit at the heart of how I support people in reconnecting to themselves, especially those living with ADHD or navigating life with a fast brain and a sensitive body.
Recommended:
Emotional Agility
The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
How to Thrive with Adult ADHD
PODCASTS THAT DON’T PUT YOU TO SLEEP
Conversations worth listening to...
PODCASTS THAT DON’T PUT YOU TO SLEEP
Conversations worth listening to...
These are the voices I return to often. They’re funny, raw, wise, curious, irreverent, grounded. Some unpack the science of the mind. Others simply remind us we’re not alone. I share them with clients, and now with you, because the right words, at the right moment, can change everything.
Trauma, Healing & Emotional Awareness
For clients navigating nervous system dysregulation, complex trauma, and emotional overwhelm. These voices offer clarity, validation, and a sense of “me too.”
Therapy Chat – Laura Reagan, LCSW-C. Thoughtful interviews on trauma, attachment, somatic work, and therapy.
The Adult Chair – Michelle Chalfant. Emotional regulation, inner child healing, and real-life strategies to move from surviving to thriving.
The Wisdom of Trauma Podcast – Produced by the team behind Gabor Maté’s film. Explores trauma, health, addiction, and what it means to heal in today’s world.
10% Happier – Dan Harris, Science-backed mindfulness for people who don’t like woo. Practical, funny, and often profound.
Esther Calling – Esther PerelShort, transformative calls unpacking real relationship dilemmas with insight and humanity.
Neurodivergence & ADHD
For those exploring or living with ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence. A mix of validation, humour, and helpful tools.
ADHD Chatter – George Hirst. Honest, science-informed conversations about living with ADHD, especially in adulthood.
Neurodivergent Moments – Jamie Knight & Catie Wilkins. Light-hearted, insightful chats with neurodivergent guests about navigating a world not built for their brains.
Unf*ck Your Brain – Kara Loewentheil. Combines feminist theory with coaching tools to help perfectionists and overthinkers change old patterns.
Addiction, Recovery & Emotional Resilience
For clients navigating sobriety, codependency, compulsive behaviours, or healing from emotional wounding.
We Can Do Hard Things – Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle. Conversations on trauma, recovery, relationships, parenting, and resilience.
Begin Again – Davina McCall. Interviews with people who’ve rebuilt their lives after loss, addiction, or crisis.
OPEN – Frankie Bridge & Maleha Khan. Mental health, honesty, and the power of asking for help—without shame.
The Wisdom of Trauma Podcast – Gabor Maté's team. A must-listen for understanding how addiction is a response to emotional pain.
Identity, Reinvention & Inner Voice
For clients going through life transitions, questioning old roles, or seeking reconnection with themselves.
Changes – Annie Macmanus. Honest, soulful conversations about change, self-discovery, and becoming.
Miss Me? – Lily Allen & Miquita Oliver. Two old friends revisit fame, family, regret, and womanhood—funny, raw, and often tender.
Revolutionary Rising – Téa Hegazy. Healing and authenticity from the perspective of people with marginalised identities.
The Way of Integrity – Martha Beck (episodes often referenced via interviews or guest appearances). On choosing truth over conformity and realigning with your inner compass.
Relationships, Boundaries & Family Systems
For clients navigating relational trauma, attachment wounds, or learning new ways to relate.
Esther Calling – Esther Perel. Mini therapy sessions on love, boundaries, infidelity, and human complexity.
Giles Coren Has No Idea – Giles Coren & Esther Walker. A married couple discussing everything from journalism to marital bickering—sharp and hilariously relatable.
Two Strangers on a Bench – BBC Sounds. A beautiful reminder of how connection happens when we make space for it.
Attached (podcast inspired by the book) – Multiple hosts in various formats. A great entry point into understanding anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment styles.
Parenting, Generational Patterns & Family Chaos
Sometimes clients come to therapy to parent differently, or to re-parent themselves. These podcasts bring relief, truth, and humour to the messy middle of it all.
Parenting Hell – Rob Beckett & Josh Widdicombe. Funny, chaotic, and painfully relatable parenting confessions.
It Can’t Just Be Me – Anna Richardson. Listener dilemmas about sex, relationships, family, and more—framed with empathy and honesty.
Begin Again – Davina McCall. Also relevant for parents finding their identity again after caregiving or crisis.
Nature, Rewilding & the Bigger Picture
For those who ground themselves in the natural world and find wisdom in its rhythms. Especially calming for clients in burnout or transition.
Knepp Wildland Podcast – Isabella Tree & guests. Rewilding, ecology, and how restoration is possible when we step back and listen.
On Being – Krista Tippett. Thoughtful, poetic interviews about spirituality, grief, healing, and belonging.
This One Wild and Precious Life – Sarah Wilson. Conversations on climate, anxiety, activism, and reclaiming meaning in a distracted world.
NEURODIVERGENCE & ADHD TOOLS
Helpful stuff if your brain works a little differently...
Not everyone is ready for therapy. And even if you are, sometimes you just need something you can hold onto in between sessions.
These guides are designed for anyone navigating the messy middle of life, whether you’re in therapy, thinking about it, or just looking for a place to start. They’re practical, human, and psychobabble-free.
Inside you’ll find:
Reflection prompts to help you make sense of your patterns
Gentle practices you can actually use in daily life
Compassionate reminders that you’re not broken or alone
The toolkits cover themes like family estrangement, boundaries in relationships, the mother wound, mindful responding, and learning how to see yourself more clearly. Each one offers a mix of honest insight and simple steps to try at your own pace.
They’re not “quick fixes.” They’re steady companions, small maps you can return to whenever you need clarity, grounding, or a reminder that there’s another way forward.
Download, explore, and see what resonates. And if something here feels big or stirs up more than you expected, that’s okay, take it gently, and consider sharing it with someone you trust.
Healthy Selfishness vs. Pathological Altruism
It’s not selfish to have boundaries, rest, or put your needs first — it’s self-respect. This guide explores the difference between healthy selfishness (nourishing yourself so you can thrive) and pathological altruism (giving so much it harms you). With reflection prompts and gentle tools, it helps you find balance without guilt.
Coping with Family Estrangement
Estrangement can bring grief, relief, anger, and shame, sometimes all at once. This guide offers reflection prompts, gentle truths, and practical tools for navigating distance and disconnection in family relationships.
Types of Boundary Violations in Relationships
Boundaries are the invisible lines that protect our wellbeing and make relationships safe. This guide names common violations, physical, sexual, and emotional, in clear, simple language, helping you recognise what isn’t okay. Awareness is the first step in setting limits that honour you.
Healing the Mother Wound
A guide for exploring the ache many women carry, of never feeling enough, of guilt, of shrinking to keep the peace. This toolkit helps you name the wound, understand where it comes from, and begin untangling yourself with compassion.
Communication, Boundaries & Conflict
Healthy communication isn’t about avoiding conflict, it’s about knowing how to fight fair, speak clearly, and protect your boundaries. This toolkit brings together practical tools and reflection prompts to help you build safer, stronger relationships.
Seeing Yourself Clearly: Mentalising
Ever spiral after a conversation, convinced you did something wrong? This guide explores the skill of mentalising, learning to see yourself and others more clearly, with curiosity instead of harsh assumptions.
The Pause that Changes Everything: Mindful Responding
When conflict hits, most of us default to fight, flight, or fix. This toolkit shows you how to pause, notice, and choose a different response, one that comes from your adult self, not old survival scripts.
RECOVERY & ADDICTION
No shame. No “rock bottom” nonsense. Just tools that meet you where you are.
Writing helps me make sense of the things we often find hardest to say out loud. These articles explore many of the themes that come up in the therapy room—trauma, neurodivergence, grief, boundaries, recovery, and the quiet courage it takes to begin again. Whether you're a therapist, a client, or simply someone navigating your own messy middle, I hope you find something here that resonates.
1.Anxiety or Just Being Human? Reframing Normal Emotional Responses
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
We live in a world that pathologises discomfort and glorifies emotional control. In this article, I explore how what we often label as “anxiety” may actually be a perfectly human response to stress, disconnection, or overwhelm. Drawing on nervous system theory and post-pandemic reflections, this piece is an invitation to stop self-diagnosing and start listening to what your emotions are really trying to tell you.
2.When Your Adult Child Cuts Contact: Grief, Boundaries & Healing
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
Estrangement between parents and adult children is more common than we talk about—and it hurts in ways that are hard to name. In this article, I explore the quiet grief of being cut off, the shame that often follows, and how to move forward without bypassing the pain. If you’re navigating this experience, it offers a compassionate reflection on boundaries, generational healing, and the courage it takes to face the rupture honestly.
3.Midlife Reinvention and Finding Our Place Again
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
Midlife isn’t a crisis—it’s a conversation. One many of us didn’t know we were allowed to have. In this piece, I explore what happens when the roles we’ve lived by start to feel too small, and the quiet call to return to ourselves grows louder. It’s a reflection on identity, intuition, grief, and growth—and how we can move from feeling lost to feeling re-aligned, one brave step at a time.
4.ADHD, Hormones and the Cyclical Nature of Women’s Brains
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
ADHD in women is often misunderstood—especially when it intersects with hormonal shifts. In this article, I explore the cyclical nature of female neurobiology, and how ADHD can look and feel different depending on where we are in our monthly and life-stage rhythms. It’s a compassionate look at overwhelm, identity, and why so many women don’t get diagnosed until midlife. If you’ve ever thought “some days I can do everything and some days I can barely cope,” this piece is for you.
5.Beyond the Chatbot: Finding Real Support in Counselling
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
AI may be everywhere, but it can’t replace the messy, human process of being fully seen. This article asks the harder question: what do we lose when we trade relational depth for convenience? It’s a call to remember that therapy isn’t about quick answers—it’s about presence, trust, and the kind of conversations that actually change us.
6.Rewild Your Inner World: Therapy for Self-Discovery and Healing
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
What if you’re not broken—just overpruned? This article explores what happens when we stop trying to trim away our so-called flaws and instead let the wildness return. It’s a quiet manifesto for anyone ready to reclaim the parts of themselves that never wanted to be tamed. Therapy here isn’t about perfection—it’s about coming home to what’s real, raw, and alive.
7.Why Can’t I Just Relax? The Real Roots of Restlessness
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
If you’ve ever felt wired and tired all at once, you’re not alone. This article unpacks why switching off feels impossible for so many of us—exploring nervous system dysregulation, ADHD, and trauma’s lingering grip. It’s also a reminder that rest isn’t laziness. Therapy can help you find steadier ground, without shaming yourself for not being able to “just relax.”
8.Why Estrangement Happens and How Parents Can Heal
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
When an adult child cuts contact, it can feel like the ground disappears beneath your feet. This article explores why estrangement happens—looking at family dynamics, attachment strategies, and the unspoken wounds passed down through generations. It also offers a path forward: how to grieve, set boundaries, and begin healing, even when reconciliation isn’t possible.
No shame. No “rock bottom” nonsense. Just tools that meet you where you are.
RECOVERY & ADDICTION
Writing helps me make sense of the things we often find hardest to say out loud. These articles explore many of the themes that come up in the therapy room—trauma, neurodivergence, grief, boundaries, recovery, and the quiet courage it takes to begin again. Whether you're a therapist, a client, or simply someone navigating your own messy middle, I hope you find something here that resonates.
1.Anxiety or Just Being Human? Reframing Normal Emotional Responses
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
We live in a world that pathologises discomfort and glorifies emotional control. In this article, I explore how what we often label as “anxiety” may actually be a perfectly human response to stress, disconnection, or overwhelm. Drawing on nervous system theory and post-pandemic reflections, this piece is an invitation to stop self-diagnosing and start listening to what your emotions are really trying to tell you.
2.When Your Adult Child Cuts Contact: Grief, Boundaries & Healing
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
Estrangement between parents and adult children is more common than we talk about—and it hurts in ways that are hard to name. In this article, I explore the quiet grief of being cut off, the shame that often follows, and how to move forward without bypassing the pain. If you’re navigating this experience, it offers a compassionate reflection on boundaries, generational healing, and the courage it takes to face the rupture honestly.
3.Midlife Reinvention and Finding Our Place Again
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
Midlife isn’t a crisis—it’s a conversation. One many of us didn’t know we were allowed to have. In this piece, I explore what happens when the roles we’ve lived by start to feel too small, and the quiet call to return to ourselves grows louder. It’s a reflection on identity, intuition, grief, and growth—and how we can move from feeling lost to feeling re-aligned, one brave step at a time.
4.ADHD, Hormones and the Cyclical Nature of Women’s Brains
Published on Counselling Directory🔗 Read the full article →
ADHD in women is often misunderstood—especially when it intersects with hormonal shifts. In this article, I explore the cyclical nature of female neurobiology, and how ADHD can look and feel different depending on where we are in our monthly and life-stage rhythms. It’s a compassionate look at overwhelm, identity, and why so many women don’t get diagnosed until midlife. If you’ve ever thought “some days I can do everything and some days I can barely cope,” this piece is for you.
5.Beyond the Chatbot: Finding Real Support in Counselling
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
AI may be everywhere, but it can’t replace the messy, human process of being fully seen. This article asks the harder question: what do we lose when we trade relational depth for convenience? It’s a call to remember that therapy isn’t about quick answers—it’s about presence, trust, and the kind of conversations that actually change us.
6.Rewild Your Inner World: Therapy for Self-Discovery and Healing
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
What if you’re not broken—just overpruned? This article explores what happens when we stop trying to trim away our so-called flaws and instead let the wildness return. It’s a quiet manifesto for anyone ready to reclaim the parts of themselves that never wanted to be tamed. Therapy here isn’t about perfection—it’s about coming home to what’s real, raw, and alive.
7.Why Can’t I Just Relax? The Real Roots of Restlessness
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
If you’ve ever felt wired and tired all at once, you’re not alone. This article unpacks why switching off feels impossible for so many of us—exploring nervous system dysregulation, ADHD, and trauma’s lingering grip. It’s also a reminder that rest isn’t laziness. Therapy can help you find steadier ground, without shaming yourself for not being able to “just relax.”
8.Why Estrangement Happens and How Parents Can Heal
Published on Counselling Directory 🔗 Read the full article →
When an adult child cuts contact, it can feel like the ground disappears beneath your feet. This article explores why estrangement happens—looking at family dynamics, attachment strategies, and the unspoken wounds passed down through generations. It also offers a path forward: how to grieve, set boundaries, and begin healing, even when reconciliation isn’t possible.
Not everyone is ready for therapy. And even if you are, sometimes you just need something you can hold onto in between sessions.
These guides are designed for anyone navigating the messy middle of life, whether you’re in therapy, thinking about it, or just looking for a place to start. They’re practical, human, and psychobabble-free.
Inside you’ll find:
Reflection prompts to help you make sense of your patterns
Gentle practices you can actually use in daily life
Compassionate reminders that you’re not broken or alone
The toolkits cover themes like family estrangement, boundaries in relationships, the mother wound, mindful responding, and learning how to see yourself more clearly. Each one offers a mix of honest insight and simple steps to try at your own pace.
They’re not “quick fixes.” They’re steady companions, small maps you can return to whenever you need clarity, grounding, or a reminder that there’s another way forward.
Download, explore, and see what resonates. And if something here feels big or stirs up more than you expected, that’s okay, take it gently, and consider sharing it with someone you trust.
Healthy Selfishness vs. Pathological Altruism
It’s not selfish to have boundaries, rest, or put your needs first — it’s self-respect. This guide explores the difference between healthy selfishness (nourishing yourself so you can thrive) and pathological altruism (giving so much it harms you). With reflection prompts and gentle tools, it helps you find balance without guilt.
Coping with Family Estrangement
Estrangement can bring grief, relief, anger, and shame, sometimes all at once. This guide offers reflection prompts, gentle truths, and practical tools for navigating distance and disconnection in family relationships.
Types of Boundary Violations in Relationships
Boundaries are the invisible lines that protect our wellbeing and make relationships safe. This guide names common violations, physical, sexual, and emotional, in clear, simple language, helping you recognise what isn’t okay. Awareness is the first step in setting limits that honour you.
Healing the Mother Wound
A guide for exploring the ache many women carry, of never feeling enough, of guilt, of shrinking to keep the peace. This toolkit helps you name the wound, understand where it comes from, and begin untangling yourself with compassion.
Communication, Boundaries & Conflict
Healthy communication isn’t about avoiding conflict, it’s about knowing how to fight fair, speak clearly, and protect your boundaries. This toolkit brings together practical tools and reflection prompts to help you build safer, stronger relationships.
Seeing Yourself Clearly: Mentalising
Ever spiral after a conversation, convinced you did something wrong? This guide explores the skill of mentalising, learning to see yourself and others more clearly, with curiosity instead of harsh assumptions.
The Pause that Changes Everything: Mindful Responding
When conflict hits, most of us default to fight, flight, or fix. This toolkit shows you how to pause, notice, and choose a different response, one that comes from your adult self, not old survival scripts.
Helpful stuff if your brain works a little differently...
NEURODIVERGENCE & ADHD TOOLS
Conversations worth listening to...
PODCASTS THAT DON’T PUT YOU TO SLEEP
PODCASTS THAT DON’T PUT YOU TO SLEEP
Conversations worth listening to...
These are the voices I return to often. They’re funny, raw, wise, curious, irreverent, grounded. Some unpack the science of the mind. Others simply remind us we’re not alone. I share them with clients, and now with you, because the right words, at the right moment, can change everything.
Trauma, Healing & Emotional Awareness
For clients navigating nervous system dysregulation, complex trauma, and emotional overwhelm. These voices offer clarity, validation, and a sense of “me too.”
Therapy Chat – Laura Reagan, LCSW-C. Thoughtful interviews on trauma, attachment, somatic work, and therapy.
The Adult Chair – Michelle Chalfant. Emotional regulation, inner child healing, and real-life strategies to move from surviving to thriving.
The Wisdom of Trauma Podcast – Produced by the team behind Gabor Maté’s film. Explores trauma, health, addiction, and what it means to heal in today’s world.
10% Happier – Dan Harris, Science-backed mindfulness for people who don’t like woo. Practical, funny, and often profound.
Esther Calling – Esther PerelShort, transformative calls unpacking real relationship dilemmas with insight and humanity.
Neurodivergence & ADHD
For those exploring or living with ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence. A mix of validation, humour, and helpful tools.
ADHD Chatter – George Hirst. Honest, science-informed conversations about living with ADHD, especially in adulthood.
Neurodivergent Moments – Jamie Knight & Catie Wilkins. Light-hearted, insightful chats with neurodivergent guests about navigating a world not built for their brains.
Unf*ck Your Brain – Kara Loewentheil. Combines feminist theory with coaching tools to help perfectionists and overthinkers change old patterns.
Addiction, Recovery & Emotional Resilience
For clients navigating sobriety, codependency, compulsive behaviours, or healing from emotional wounding.
We Can Do Hard Things – Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle. Conversations on trauma, recovery, relationships, parenting, and resilience.
Begin Again – Davina McCall. Interviews with people who’ve rebuilt their lives after loss, addiction, or crisis.
OPEN – Frankie Bridge & Maleha Khan. Mental health, honesty, and the power of asking for help—without shame.
The Wisdom of Trauma Podcast – Gabor Maté's team. A must-listen for understanding how addiction is a response to emotional pain.
Identity, Reinvention & Inner Voice
For clients going through life transitions, questioning old roles, or seeking reconnection with themselves.
Changes – Annie Macmanus. Honest, soulful conversations about change, self-discovery, and becoming.
Miss Me? – Lily Allen & Miquita Oliver. Two old friends revisit fame, family, regret, and womanhood—funny, raw, and often tender.
Revolutionary Rising – Téa Hegazy. Healing and authenticity from the perspective of people with marginalised identities.
The Way of Integrity – Martha Beck (episodes often referenced via interviews or guest appearances). On choosing truth over conformity and realigning with your inner compass.
Relationships, Boundaries & Family Systems
For clients navigating relational trauma, attachment wounds, or learning new ways to relate.
Esther Calling – Esther Perel. Mini therapy sessions on love, boundaries, infidelity, and human complexity.
Giles Coren Has No Idea – Giles Coren & Esther Walker. A married couple discussing everything from journalism to marital bickering—sharp and hilariously relatable.
Two Strangers on a Bench – BBC Sounds. A beautiful reminder of how connection happens when we make space for it.
Attached (podcast inspired by the book) – Multiple hosts in various formats. A great entry point into understanding anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment styles.
Parenting, Generational Patterns & Family Chaos
Sometimes clients come to therapy to parent differently, or to re-parent themselves. These podcasts bring relief, truth, and humour to the messy middle of it all.
Parenting Hell – Rob Beckett & Josh Widdicombe. Funny, chaotic, and painfully relatable parenting confessions.
It Can’t Just Be Me – Anna Richardson. Listener dilemmas about sex, relationships, family, and more—framed with empathy and honesty.
Begin Again – Davina McCall. Also relevant for parents finding their identity again after caregiving or crisis.
Nature, Rewilding & the Bigger Picture
For those who ground themselves in the natural world and find wisdom in its rhythms. Especially calming for clients in burnout or transition.
Knepp Wildland Podcast – Isabella Tree & guests. Rewilding, ecology, and how restoration is possible when we step back and listen.
On Being – Krista Tippett. Thoughtful, poetic interviews about spirituality, grief, healing, and belonging.
This One Wild and Precious Life – Sarah Wilson. Conversations on climate, anxiety, activism, and reclaiming meaning in a distracted world.
Real, relatable reads that don’t talk down to you...
BOOKS THAT DON’T PREACH
BOOKS THAT DON’T PREACH
Real, relatable reads that don’t talk down to you...
Books have always been part of how I make sense of the world and how I hold space for others. The titles below speak to the themes that come up most often in the therapy room: trauma, recovery, emotional maturity, boundaries, creativity, addiction, neurodivergence, and reconnecting with the self. These aren’t “self-help” in the cliché sense. They’re more like soul guides, reminders that you’re not broken, you’re becoming.
Vulnerability, Courage & Self-Worth
Brené Brown | Elizabeth Gilbert | Emma Reed Turrell | Helen Paris
These books explore the raw truth of being human, how shame, perfectionism, and people-pleasing keep us small, and how vulnerability opens the door to real change. Much of my work invites clients to lay down the armour they’ve worn for years. Whether you’ve spent a lifetime hiding behind competence or caring for others at your own expense, these reads offer language and permission to be seen.
Recommended:
Daring Greatly
Rising Strong
Braving the Wilderness
I Thought It Was Just Me
Atlas of the Heart
Dare to Lead
Big Magic
Please Yourself
The Invisible Women’s Club
Boundaries & Emotional Maturity
Nedra Glover Tawwab | Lindsay Gibson | Anne Katherine | Alice Miller | John Friel
So many clients I work with come from emotionally enmeshed or neglectful childhoods. They were taught to prioritise others, manage everyone else’s emotions, and keep the peace. These books speak directly to the journey of learning where you end and others begin. They are a compassionate call back to self, helping you to say no, honour your needs, and heal the parts of you that learned love had to be earned.
Recommended:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Drama Free
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Self-Care for Adult Children…
Drama of the Gifted Child
An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s Normal
Addiction, Recovery & Codependency
Gabor Maté | Glennon Doyle | Catherine Gray | Melody Beattie | Patrick Ruddy | Abraham Twerski | Craig Nakken
Recovery is at the heart of my work, not just from substances, but from patterns that once kept you safe and now keep you stuck. Whether you’re navigating addiction, codependency, emotional numbing, or compulsive habits, these books bring understanding and insight. They honour that addiction isn’t a moral failing, it’s a survival strategy. Recovery, then, becomes a return to self.
Recommended:
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
Dopamine Nation
Never Enough
The Addictive Personality
Addictive Thinking
Understanding the Twelve Steps
Codependent No More
Beyond Codependency
99% Sober
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
Sunshine Warm Sober
The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary
We Can Do Hard Things
Love Warrior
Carry On, Warrior
Untamed
OPEN
Trauma, Healing & the Nervous System
Bessel van der Kolk | Gabor Maté | Deb Dana | Nicole LePera | Tara Brach | Martha Beck | Sarah Wilson | Katherine May | John Eaton
Trauma isn’t just what happened to you—it’s what happened inside you as a result. This group of books explores that truth through both science and soul. If you’ve ever felt chronically exhausted, disconnected from your body, or stuck in patterns you can’t think your way out of, these authors offer an embodied roadmap back to regulation, safety, and presence. These are the foundations of much of my therapeutic work.
Recommended:
The Body Keeps the Score
The Myth of Normal
Scattered Minds
When the Body Says No
Anchored
Radical Compassion
How To Do The Work
First, We Make the Beast Beautiful
Reverse Therapy
Beyond Anxiety
This One Wild and Precious Life
Wintering
Enchantment
Attachment, Relationships & Connection
Amir Levine | Sue Johnson | Terrence Real | Martha Beck | Rebecca Campbell | Toko-pa Turner
So many of our relational struggles come from patterns that began in childhood. These books offer frameworks and insight into attachment styles, emotional intimacy, and the longing to belong. In my practice, we often explore how early relationships shaped your way of connecting and how that might be showing up in current relationships. These reads can help you soften old defences and create new relational possibilities.
Recommended:
Attached
Hold Me Tight
Us
The Way of Integrity
Rise Sister Rise
Belonging
Parts Work & Inner Systems
Richard Schwartz
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a core influence in how I work with clients, especially those who feel fractured, overwhelmed, or like they’re battling parts of themselves. These books explore the power of befriending our inner system, understanding exiles, protectors, and our core Self. It’s gentle, transformative work. You don’t need to be fixed, you need to be welcomed home.
Recommended:
No Bad Parts
You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For
Introduction to Internal Family Systems
Mindfulness, Change & Emotional Agility
Susan David | Haemin Sunim | James Kustow
For those navigating stress, overwhelm, or life transitions, these books offer calm, clarity, and practical insight. They’re perfect for clients learning how to slow down, respond instead of react, or understand their emotions without becoming them. They sit at the heart of how I support people in reconnecting to themselves, especially those living with ADHD or navigating life with a fast brain and a sensitive body.
Recommended:
Emotional Agility
The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
How to Thrive with Adult ADHD
THE UNPOLISHED EDIT
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