ADHD Isn’t Just a Focus Problem: A Trail Tool for Emotional Intensity
- Sarah Hopton
- Jun 19
- 2 min read
ADHD doesn’t always look like bouncing off the walls.
Sometimes it looks like staring at a screen for two hours, unable to start the task that matters most to you. Sometimes it looks like carrying eight tabs open in your brain, and forgetting what any of them are for. Sometimes it’s not being disorganised, but over-organised—a lifetime of systems and rules designed to hide the internal chaos.
And most often? It looks like shame.
Because when ADHD is missed in childhood, especially in girls or anyone socialised to be pleasing and responsible, you learn to compensate. You become the good girl. The fixer. The one who never causes trouble. You make lists. You try harder. You mask.
Until one day, your system collapses under the weight of that effort.
ADHD and Emotional Intensity
ADHD isn’t just about attention. It’s about regulation of time, energy, emotion, and sensory input.
You might feel:
Everything too deeply
Hurt by things others let go
Frozen by criticism, even gentle feedback
Emotionally raw, but still hiding it well
This is called rejection-sensitive dysphoria, the pain of feeling not just disliked, but defective. And it’s not about being dramatic. It’s a real neurological pattern. When you’ve spent years overcompensating for things others seem to do with ease, the internal story becomes: There’s something wrong with me.
The Exhaustion of Overfunctioning
If this is you, you’re probably doing more than anyone realises.
You're organised—but only through sheer mental force. You're capable—but only at great cost. You're managing—but barely.
And yet, because you’re “high functioning,” it gets missed.
People don’t see the 3 am spirals. The unopened emails. The forgotten birthdays. The mess behind the mask.
But you do. And it hurts.
Trail Tool: The Self-Compassion Reframe
When you’ve spent a lifetime being hard on yourself, kindness can feel fake. But here’s a truth you can start with:
“I’m not failing. I’m responding with the tools I had.”
Try this practice when you feel the shame creeping in:
Pause. Close your eyes.
Place your hand over your heart.
Breathe in for 4, out for 6.
Say (aloud or silently): “I’m not lazy. I’m tired. I’m not broken. I’m doing my best.”
Ask: “What would I say to a child who was trying this hard?”
Let that be enough. You don’t need to perform to be worthy of care.
You’re Not a Problem to Be Solved
One of the cruellest impacts of undiagnosed ADHD is the belief that you just need to “try harder.” But effort isn’t the issue. In fact, you’ve likely been trying harder than most people realise
for years.
What you need isn’t more willpower. It’s more support. More permission to be how you are. More understanding of your patterns—not as flaws, but as adaptive responses.
ADHD doesn’t need to be fixed. It needs to be met with kindness. And therapy can help with that.
If you’re tired of white-knuckling your way through life, of feeling like too much and not enough all at once, this might be your trailhead.
With warmth and wildness, Sarah x
BACP & NCPS Accredited Psychotherapist
Rewild your mind. Come home to yourself.
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