Rejection Sensitivity Isn’t Overreacting — It’s Overremembering

Why small triggers hit so hard, and how therapy helps

I’ve had clients tell me they’re “too sensitive.” That they should be over it by now.That the look, the pause, the message left on read… shouldn’t still be bothering them.

They say it like a confession. Like they’re broken. Like they know they’re overreacting but can’t stop themselves.

And here’s what I always say: You’re not overreacting. You’re overremembering.

What is Rejection Sensitivity (and Why Does It Feel So Intense)?

Rejection Sensitivity — or RSD — isn’t about drama. It’s not about attention-seeking or being thin-skinned. It’s about how the nervous system wires itself to detect threat where there once was danger.

For many of us, especially those with ADHD, complex trauma, or emotionally inconsistent early relationships, rejection wasn’t just uncomfortable. It was destabilising. It meant love might be withdrawn. It meant punishment, abandonment, humiliation. It meant the loss of connection — and when you’re small, connection equals survival.

So the body learned to scan for signs. It became hyper-attuned to micro-shifts in tone, body language, and timing. Your brain, doing its job, said: Never let this happen again. And it didn’t forget.

Why Small Triggers Hit So Hard

Rejection Sensitivity isn’t about the size of the event — it’s about the meaning your body attaches to it.

• A cancelled plan feels like abandonment.

• A non-reply feels like proof you’re not wanted.

• Constructive feedback becomes confirmation you’ve failed.

Logically, you know it’s not that deep. But the part of your brain in charge of logic (hello, prefrontal cortex) isn’t driving in these moments. The limbic system — the part that’s shaped by experience and built for survival — is.

It’s not just pain you’re feeling. It’s memory. You’re not feeling this moment. You’re feeling every moment it reminds you of.

The Shame Spiral That Follows

Here’s the double bind: the moment hurts, and then you judge yourself for it.

“Why can’t I let it go?” “Other people wouldn’t react like this.” “I’m too intense. Too much.”

You shut it down. You push it down. You mask it. But inside, the hurt sits unspoken, unprocessed, and deeply misunderstood.

This is why so many people with ADHD or complex relational trauma end up feeling fundamentally flawed. Because they’re not just hurt, they’re ashamed of being hurt.

How Therapy Helps

You don’t need a toolkit of tricks to numb your feelings. You need space to understand them.

In therapy, rejection sensitivity is something we slow down and sit with. We track the trigger back to the root. We separate the then from the now. We help the younger parts of you, the ones who were ignored, humiliated, dismissed, or left, realise that this time, someone’s staying.

Because here’s the truth: You don’t need to grow a thicker skin. You need nervous system safety. You need repair. You need to know that being sensitive isn’t a flaw — it’s an echo of all the times no one handled your sensitivity with care.

What You Can Try Now

You won’t always have to feel this tender. But tenderness isn’t weakness; it’s the sign of something that matters.

If you’re in a moment now, here’s a soft entry point:

1. Name it, without judgment.

“I’m feeling rejected, and that’s okay.”

2. Soothe the younger part.

“This hurts. But I’m not abandoned. I’m here. I’ve got me.”

3. Find someone who sees you. Whether it’s a friend or a therapist, rejection doesn’t sting as badly when it’s witnessed.

Final Thoughts

Rejection Sensitivity isn’t something you have to fix. It’s something you get to understand.

You’re not too sensitive. You’re not overreacting. You’re not broken.

You’re remembering. And with the right support, you get to remember differently.

Let’s unlearn the shame, one soft, honest step at a time.

Sarah x

Therapy for the brave, the burnt out, and the beautifully sensitive